Christ, Lucifer and the cat medium

(by Pablo Burgués)

Some weeks ago I read the following news story that only confirmed my suspicions on the fact that human race is not only walking towards extinction, but moreover it deserves that: “Miley Cyrus hires a pet medium to get in touch with her late dog Floyd”. What do you think? It seems that the successful lady singer was far from home when her beloved dog died so she hadn’t the chance to say him goodbye as she would have liked.

To calm down the terrible pain for the loss of her hairy friend, the artist formerly known as Hannah Montana did what any other mortal would have done: to order a huge hype-realist replica of her loved Siberian Husky and take it on tour all around the United States… Nonetheless, it seems that 20 meters of a dog were not enough to cover the enormous gap that the passing of Floyd had left in her heart.

Several months after the fatal event, already more settled, Miley found a much more mature and sensible way to say goodbye to her dog: to hire a Celebrity Pet Psychic who would get her in touch with Floyd’s spirit. The human being chosen to develop this meeting with the other world was Melissa Bacelar, a versatile professional who, besides talking with any kind of dead creatures, declares to be also a model, producer and actress. But the virtues of this Renaissance woman don’t stop here, as she also has a large ability for taxidermy, judging by the fine work done with the dog on this pic.

The story got me so stoned that I couldn’t help but searching information on the Internet. I flipped out very much when I realized the number of webs offering this kind of service, but I flipped out even more when I saw the roaming rates for a call to the great beyond… As I said, my friends, get pack your bags because human race is inexorably walking towards extinction.

Some days ago I went out for a drink with some colleagues to the Aperture terrace at Sant Antoni Portmany (Ibiza). After two (or three) invigorating Gin Tonics I cheered up and I told in minute detail the crazy story I’d read some weeks before. To assure the applause of critics and audience, I signalled my researched story with a star sentence that never fails: “this can only happen in the United States of America”. But to my surprise one of those present pronounced the only sentence in the world that could refute my a priori irrefutable statement: “Well, this can only happen in the United States of America and in Ibiza”.

There was silence and we all turned our ears towards him, who seized that moment of full attention to tell us the super crazy story of the Ibiza medium that helped Christ (his former flatmate) to found Lucifer (his lovely cat).

A promising story, isn’t it? Unfortunately you’ll have to wait till next week to know about it. Well, my friends, don’t get so angry with me… I know it’s a dirty trick to be left halfway, but your boyfriends do it constantly and even so you keep on loving them ;)

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Translation: Dora Sales