(by Pablo Burgués)



Hi, friends, after the literary coitus interruptus I caused you last week (that you can read again here), there we go with the second part of the story about Christ, Lucifer and the pet medium. It goes as follows:

After several years living in Ibiza, Christ Lombardi decided that it was time for him to pack his bags and go back to his native Italy. So he gave up his job, phoned his landlord to tell him he was leaving the house, sold his motorbike and bought a flight ticket to Rome for him and another one for his cat, Lucifer. But just five days before leaving the island, his dearest cat disappeared.

Christ looked for the animal all around the house and its surroundings, unsuccessfully. He also put several posters around the neighbourhood with a picture of the cat and a notice that was at least striking: “Missing: Lucifer”. But days went by and he had no news on his sweet animal. 

 Christ was desperate because there were only three days left before his flight to Italy, and the very idea of leaving Ibiza without his cat just broke his heart. Then a friend told him that in the island there was a mysterious woman who could help him: the pet medium. It seems that this lady (whom I’ll call Oda Mae) helped the grandmother’s brother in law’s cousin’s neighbour’s I-don’t-know-who from the next village to find his dog. Or was it a parakeet? Well, it doesn’t matter, the fact was that with such precise reports the professional attitude and trustworthiness of that lady were more than checked.

Christ’s Judeo-Christian Roman Catholic education told him that lady had every chance to be a real jerk. However, his exasperation was such that he decided to phone her to see what she could tell him. And the first thing she told him was that she wasn’t in Ibiza, but in Hawaii…

Christ thought that the 13.000 kilometres that separated them would make it impossible that she could help him to search his pet, but nothing could be more untrue… Oda Mae is a XXI century medium, a 3.0 fortune-teller, a geek of the occult and as such she only needed 9 words to solve that kilometric problem: “Send me a picture of the cat via WhatsApp”. That was all she needed to get telepathically in touch with the animal. Well, that and a three-digit payment in her bank account.

Once he had sent the picture and the money, Christ got a message: “Lucifer is trapped. He cannot get out from where he is but he’s very quiet because the place is familiar to him. Take a look near your house”. Christ got out and combed the neighbourhood up and down; he searched in every litter bin, under every car and talked with every neighbour he found… But after tracking several hours, he found no trace of the cat. 

The following day Oda Mae sent another message: “You should hurry up, Lucifer is beginning to get very nervous by the lack of food and water”. And another piece of information: “I see something green beside the cat, look for a place with something green”. Christ left home in a rush trying to find that green thing that had trapped his poor kitten… but instead of that he found something else, also green by the way, that almost got him locked for life.

To be continued…


Translation: Dora Sales

Read more stories: Typic d’aquí 

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